The Psychology of Love, Lust, and Romance - Romance Goals

The Psychology of Love, Lust, and Romance


Source: YouTube.comIn the video above, you’re given a series of questions, the answers to which purport to unearth your subconscious feelings about love, lust, and romance. But whether or not you believe it to be accurate, it does raise some interesting questions regarding the relationship between human psychology and romantic love. Our minds dictate basically everything about our lives — and love is no exception. Here are some absolutely must-know theories on the mind in love.

Addicted to Love

Did you know that there are actual chemical changes that happen in the brain when you’re in love? According to a study wherein people in love were given MRIs, the brain of someone falling in love looks very similar to the brain of a cocaine addict. According to licensed psychologist Dr. Rachel Needle, the chemical substances that are released in the brain are oxytocin, phenethylamine, and dopamine. This chemical cocktail functions similarly to an amphetamine, making us alert and excited.

Love Isn’t an Emotion

According to Dr. Daniel G Amen, “romantic love and infatuation are not so much of an emotion as they are motivational drives that are part of the brain’s reward system.” Our bodies are designed to promote procreation, and in this way, a feeling of love is part of our biological imperative. So love isn’t just something we feel, it’s something we do.

The Three Elements

Dr. Zick Rubin, a psychologist who studied theories of love, purports that love is comprised of three basic elements: attachment, caring, and intimacy. These are the elements necessary to go from “like” to “love.” Furthermore, he states that there are two types of love: passionate and compassionate. Compassionate love is the kind of love that can exist between dear friends or longtime companions, whereas passionate love is precisely what it sounds like — love that is predicated on lust and desire.

Love as Selfishness

It can be true that we fall in love not only with an individual, but with what an individual can represent to us in our own lives. Perhaps we love someone because they fit a certain need or fill a certain void. Psychologically speaking, there is a great deal of complexity at work when it comes to who and what we love.

Loving Someone is Self-Sustaining

Sometimes when we give over a lot of energy to something we have less energy to focus on other things. This is true of a lot of mental work, but it is not true of love. In fact, loving anyone, even a lot, means that you will have more to give. Love, in its way, is self-sustaining.

Love is a Mirror

Not only do we tend to mirror the representations of love that we see as children (between our own parents, or other close adult friends and family) but we actually literally begin to mirror our loved ones. We mirror their expressions, and when two lovers are in physical contact, oftentimes their heart rates sync up.

One could study love, lust, and romance for a lifetime and not figure things out completely — some aspects will always be a mystery. But by having a basic grasp on the psychology behind love and its counterparts, you can gain greater insight into your relationships with others.

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